Missing
by Karin Ochibi-chan
Summary: All she owned was a name. Susan. And yet, who were these people who say she isn't just Susan? Can she even bring herself to gain their redemption for something she can't remember or is she just unreemdable? Set after 7th book, but w/ movieverse too
1. Missing 01: Nowhere

Karin: Hey people.

**Karin: Hey people. This is my first Narnia story and I would like to clear one thing with you before I begin it: I am a Susan fan and the fact that she was left behind in the last battle and that she no longer believed in Narnia pissed me off; so, I'm writing a Susan fic to satisfy my craving for a fic where she redeems herself in one way or another. I got this idea from the song "Missing" by Evanescence. **

**Title: **Missing

**Rating: **Teen

**Pairings: **Those won't be around for a bit, but they will come eventually.

**Genres: **Angst/Drama/General/Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings: **Dark, angsty

**Summary: **She doesn't remember who she was or how anyone of these people had known her. All she knew was that her name was Susan. Can she bring herself to claim redemption for something she doesn't remember or is she unredeemable?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Chronicles of Narnia. If I did, Susan would've gotten more credit and not stopped believing in Narnia.

**--**

**Missing**

**Chapter One**

**Nowhere**

**-**

**-**

**-**

It was strange, she thought wryly, that she had no recollection of ever ending up here. Usually she had a good memory of things. She was pretty sure she would've remembered ending up in this dead and desolate place some way or another.

Something struck a chord then. Dead. Was someone dead? She didn't know, but she did know that the regret and pain in her chest meant someone died. Or was it someones?

Her eyes tried to adjust, but she couldn't see anything beyond this gray fog. All was silent where she was standing. It was so thick and dead that she thought the slightest sound would give her a heart-attack.

There she goes again. Saying that word and letting the unexplainable pain follow. What did death mean to her? Was she familiar with it? Again, she was left with blanks.

She tried to think of other things besides death. She desperately searched into the deep recesses of her mind to find another subject. Anything to preoccupy herself from that wretched word.

Her thoughts soon turned to how she got here. Her memory was in bits and pieces, but she could recollect some of it. She was depressed, she recalled. However, the reason why she had no idea. She remembered that she was walking somewhere. She remembered reaching her destination, too. It was a train station because she heard the train coming in a far away sound from her memory. She walked forward… and then… she didn't know. She ended up here she guessed.

Here. Nowhere.

Nowhere. Yes, that would be the best way to describe as to where she was. Nowhere. But how she got to this nowhere she didn't know nor could she remember.

After standing there, in that foggy mist feeling isolated from everything, she had started walking. Her steps were hesitant as if she didn't want a sound of hers to disturb the silence of nowhere.

She may not have known how she got here, or why she was here in the first place, but she knew that there was somewhere else she had to be.

And it definitely wasn't nowhere.

**--**

**Karin: Okay, that's all. What did you think? Sorry that it's short and that you don't understand what's up but things will become clearer as you read I promise. Right now though, we're experiencing Susan's thoughts as she tries to recall what had happened to her and where she actually ended up. **

**P.S- Can someone please tell me the names of the other children who went to Narnia. All I know is Susan, Lucy, Peter, Edmund, and Jill. I forgot all the rest. **


	2. Missing 02: Alone

Missing

**Karin: Hi guys, here's the second chapter to "Missing" I'm glad you are enjoying it so far. **

**Replies to Reviewers from Chapter One:**

**Lar lindor- **thanks for telling me about the other children and which books they came from. I really appreciate it. I'm also glad you like the beginning of the story. I hope you like this chapter as well even though not much happens.

**Samantha- **thanks for the info on the children. It's good to have my facts straight before I put them in the story. I hope you continue enjoying this fic despite the fact that nothing really goes on in this chapter.

**Title: **Missing (based off the song "Missing" by Evanescence. Great song by the way)

**Rating: **Teen

**Pairings: **eventually

**Genres: **Angst/Hurt/Comfort/General/Drama

**Warnings: **slightly dark, major angst

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Chronicles of Narnia, but I did see both of the movies. The new one is so awesome!

--

**Missing**

**Chapter Two**

**Alone**

**-**

**-**

**-**

Her steps were nimble and quiet as she walked aimlessly through the heavy fog. She had no idea where she was going; however, she trusted her feet to get her away from this depressing atmosphere.

Her hands sat in her coast pockets as she bit her lip. She felt so small walking around in this giant fog. The damp air embraced her petite frame as she trudged on.

At times, she would consider calling out to see if anyone else was there. Nevertheless, she stopped herself every time knowing full well that there was no one here besides her. She was alone in this sadden wasteland.

Yet another word that she felt accustomed to and it tore her heart into pieces all the same. Being alone was something she was used to, she felt herself remembering that much. She had always preferred being alone anyway.

But still, when she had thought about being alone, it pained her. It was strange feeling. She felt like she was abandoned in a way. Like she was left behind.

She felt herself freeze in her quiet steps at that. No, she thought bitterly, she _was_ left behind.

By what she didn't know.

She then shook her head roughly causing her dark hair to whip her face. Now was not the time to wonder on her missing memory. She needed to get out of this place first, she reminded herself. Thus, her steps continued again.

She didn't know how much time had passed during her destination-less walking. It felt like hours maybe? Or was it only minutes? She felt as if it was just minutes and hours at the same time making her feel like a headache was going to come on.

Perhaps the solitude was giving her a temporary period of insanity. It made her wince from how much seclusion she was in ever since she had arrived to this unknown place.

She was lonely, she realized. She found herself desiring company. Whose? She asked herself. Whose company do I want?

Again, only blanks answered her. Her irritation caused her steps to become quickened and make a little noise as she stomped her way through this depressing place. Only her instincts were her map.

Her instincts told her to keep going. To not give up. As if there was something waiting for her at the end of her journey. Again, she was not with the knowledge of what.

All she knew was that it would end her loneliness.

--

**Karin: Okay, nothing much happens. But don't worry; it's not going to be like this forever. We're just still on Susan's thoughts right now. To see what she's musing about while she tries to get out of the heavy fog that surrounds her. Hopefully, though, you liked it all the same. **

**Next Chapter:**** Missing 03: Name**

**See ya next time! **


	3. Missing 03: Name

Karin: Hey guys

**Karin: Hey guys. Biology testing is finally over and I'm so relieved! Although, we had to start our dissecting unit today and even though the frog didn't gross me out, the smell it was giving off made me nauseous. **

**Enough about bio! I need to concentrate on the fanfiction! (bonks myself on the head) As you all read in the summary that this story is set after book seven, however, this is technically a movieverse Narnia fanfiction also. Why? Because I love the movies better than the books. Susan's character—along with the others' characters as well—is really awesome. Even if only two movies have been out so far, I'm still using events from the movies, okay? I just wanted to clear that up for you all. **

**Replies to Reviews from Chapter Two: **

**Jojobevco- **Glad you like it.

**Capegio- **It's good to know that you enjoy Susan's character in this. Don't worry, she'll find what's she's looking for. It wouldn't be a story if she didn't, right?

**Lar lindor- **I sent you a personal reply from "Snow White Queen" and I'm wondering if you received it yet. If you didn't, please tell me. In addition, I'm honored that you continue to read my stories.

**PuppyBekaCooper- **Thanks for the info.

**Title: **Missing

**Rating: **Teen

**Pairings: **Still thinking it through

**Genres: **Hurt/Comfort/Angst/Drama/General

**Warnings: **dark and angsty

**--**

**Missing**

**Chapter Three**

**Name**

**-**

**-**

**-**

The passage of time felt so strange to her here in this barren wasteland. She didn't know how long she had been walking aimlessly, but she knew that much time had passed. And yet her feet never tired.

She was determined, she told herself. Searching for something can give you the motivation you need to go on, she thought with a slight smile.

But how can someone have so much conviction in searching when they don't even know what they're searching for? She asked herself. Her hands rested within her pockets as she strolled along making no sound in her wake.

The moist air of the fog made her clothes feel damp. She gazed down at herself realizing that she never looked at herself since arriving here. Her brown overcoat reached an inch past her mid-thigh as a dark gray pleated skit reached just above her knees. Under that she could see she was wearing baggy light blue jeans that were rolled up at the ends meaning they were too long for her if she rolled them out. On her feet were black and white saddle shoes. Finally, under her open brown overcoat, she was wearing a loose collar white blouse.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice spoke out in disgust of her clothes saying that it wasn't something a lady should wear, but another part of her felt remorse for dressing like a proper lady.

She went with the remorse of looking like a proper lady.

Her thoughts then drifted to herself once more. What kind of person is she? What does she hate? What does she like? How old was she? Was she always alone?

_Who was she? _

Once again, her tracks stopped short. Everything was dead around her as if it stopped with her. The silence pounded in her ears like a heavy drum. The answer struck her like lightening leaving her in a numb state.

She didn't know. She had no idea who she was. She knew nothing about herself: her age, her life, her habits, her likes and dislikes, her name…

She had forgotten her name.

Her name. She needed to find her name. She desperately racked her brain for answer but the ever familiar blanks were all that answered her. It made her want to shout out in frustration and despair.

She lost it. She lost her name. Her identity. Her given call. Her name was lost like everything else.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she wiped them away angrily. She refused to breakdown and cry about it. Crying wasn't going to solve her problems. It wasn't going to get her out of this place. It wasn't going to give her answers.

It wasn't going to give her her name.

No, crying wouldn't give her any of those things. She had to do things on her own, she knew. She knew she couldn't take the easy way out of things. It was like giving up.

She refused to give up. She refused to admit defeat. With that thought in mind, she continued forward. Forward was the only way she could go. She wouldn't look back and dwell on her sadness. Not now when she needed to get out of this place.

This place that she had no recollection of being or getting here.

She hadn't realized it until moments later. She noticed that the fog had become less dense. It was as if the fog was lifting like her sadness. Her refusal to wallow in self-pity was like a breath of fresh air into this depressing atmosphere.

She wondered if somewhere her thoughts were heard as she felt the fog breathe in a warm breath of air. It coursed through her in an ominous way. This was not the work of mist, she noted, but of something living and breathing.

Her strides turned into a full-blown run as she raced towards where she felt the warm fresh air blow upon her being. She felt it. She felt someone calling her. Beckoning her towards them.

She pushed herself to go faster. To push her limits. Her instincts were screaming at her to keep going towards that ominous presence. She had to get there. She had to keep going. To keep moving forward.

As she ran, the fog became thinner and thinner. Bright rays of golden light began peeking through the fog. It felt like forever until she had finally skidded to a stop in her running. She stared wide-eyed at the pure white arc above her and golden rays of sunshine washing over her being.

"Susan" a voice called. It was deep and ominous upon her being. A warm breath washed upon her once more as she held a small smile on her face.

She had no idea where she would end up, but she knew that someone was calling her here. With that thought, she stepped through the arcs. It was the least she could do for that presence who helped her find her way.

The fog was completely gone. She had found what she was looking her.

Susan. Her name was Susan.

**--**

**Karin: Do you guys ever listen to songs while typing your chapters sometimes? I usually listen to songs to set the mood of my angst stories. Like for this chapter, I listened to "Missing", "On the Outside Looking in", "What hurts the most" (cute NaminexSora video on that by avidityy on ; so, if you like NaminexSora from Kingdom Hearts, there's a good video of them) and "Sadness and Sorrow" from Naruto (one of my favorite animes). I think that these songs will suit certain parts of the story later on. Okay. If any of you are confused, here's what went on. The fog Susan was in was like her state of mind. The fog was clouding up her name and was her sadness in physical form. It was clearing up because she decided not to sit there in sadness and sorrow. When she found her name, the fog cleared away. Aslan will explain this later on in the story, but I just wanted to clear it up for you now. **

**So, Susan is now getting somewhere. Now that she's out of her sad state of mind, what will become of her next? Stay tuned to find out!**

**See ya next time! **


	4. Missing 04: Woods

Karin: Okay, I'm really bored right now so I decided to update

**(May 22, 2008)**

**Karin: Okay, I'm really bored right now so I decided to update. **

**Replies to Reviews from Chapter Three: **

**Tast3the3RAiiNBOW- **Sorry the chapters are short. Hopefully they'll get longer though as this story continues.

**Lar lindor- **thanks for the praise. You wrote a book? I hope to see it one day. If you ever get it publicized, can you tell me the title and what it's about so I can read it? My friend's a fan and fanfiction writer of Teen Titans too. Her name is SuperJGirl5 on here. Maybe you should check out her stories sometime if you feel like it.

**Enjoylife1994- **Well I guess it's a good thing that I explained everything in the last chapter. Yes, I thought it was unfair too that Susan wasn't given a chance (wipes tear from eye). It's good to know that you like this story. I hope you'll continue to enjoy it.

**Pagan-Angel13- **That's good to know you find this story interesting. I hope you continue to feel that way in future chapters.

**Title: **Missing

**Rating: **Teen

**Pairings: **I'll tell you in a couple of chapters, okay?

**Genres: **Hurt/Comfort/Angst/General/Drama

**Warnings: **dark, angsty

**Disclaimer: **I can't lie and say I own Narnia or else my spleen will burst. So I don't own Narnia.

**--**

**Missing**

**Chapter Four**

**Woods**

**-**

**-**

**-**

Twigs snapped under Susan's feet as she trudged through the thick forest. However, she wasn't in a hurry because of anxiousness, but because she was amazed and awed by the dense woods that had golden rays of sunshine shine through it. Her face was alit with excitement as she absorbed the beautiful forest around her.

Okay, maybe she was over exaggerating, but something about being around all this fresh air and sunshine instead of that dense fog was a nice change in her opinion.

She was scared though that this could be a dream. That she was still trapped in that heavy fog with no way out. She laid her hand on one of the trunks of the huge trees. The texture of the bark felt rough and straight against her skin. It felt too real to be just a dream.

With that thought of relief, Susan let a grin uptake her features. She pushed all worrying thoughts aside on not knowing where she was or how she had appeared here. All she could think about was that she was out of that fog.

The depression. The sadness. The desperation. The aimless journey. It was all behind her in that lonesome dense fog.

It was all behind her.

She felt so elated. So euphoric. For the first time since Susan had arrived to this unknown place, she felt lighter and exhilarated.

She felt free.

A slight breeze ruffled her dark hair making it flow gently with the wind in a teasing manner. Susan closed her eyes in contentment and inhaled deeply. The fresh air here was so invigorating to her lungs. The sunshine kissed her cheeks as she spun around in joy.

She was _free_.

A laugh escaped her lips as she spun around. It was the first sound she had made since coming here. It was light and so _real_. She didn't recall a time where she had laughed so lively, so vivacious. It felt so good to laugh like there wasn't a care in the world. A feeling, she felt rather than knew, that always slipped through her grasps.

She fell back on the green grass with a goofy grin settled upon her face. She tucked her arms behind her head and gazed upon the blue sky. Pure white clouds hung above her floating in a carefree manner like herself. As if the clouds, too, felt her uplifted mood.

Susan closed her eyes in ease. Everything was just so _peaceful_. The sweet sound of the gentle breeze running through the tree branches and mocking birds singing their song. The feel of the cool breeze gliding across her face in a leisure fashion. Truly a serene atmosphere.

She didn't know how long she had lain there. But she knew that she never wanted to let go of this feeling. It was a feeling contentment, of peace.

_Of freedom. _

Deciding that—even though she didn't want to—it was time to leave, Susan rose from her spot on the green grass. Her body had let an imprint on the grass as if it was saying that this spot would always belong to her. She committed her surroundings to memory as to make sure she could return here. This place had become her secret spot. Her sanctuary.

Her feet made little sound as she walked silently. Her eyes gazed upon the magnificent forest in awe. Everything was so natural here. Nothing had come to taint it and make its essence reek of artificialness.

To her, it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

A sound then caught her attention. It sounded like rushing water nearby. Susan, consumed with curiosity, headed towards the direction of the running water. Her throat burned with thirst as she approached closer and closer to the sound.

A small creek greeted her. Its water a pure clear blue as it shimmered in the sunlight. Approaching it cautiously, Susan slowly dipped her hand in. Deciding that nothing was going to cause her harm, she placed both her hands in the cool water and scooped the liquid substance to her lips.

The cold water ran down her throat in a refreshing manner. It tasted so wonderful to her parched tongue. She scooped another cup of water up and drank some more. The rejuvenated feeling relished through her in a satisfying way.

Susan then stood up and shed her brown overcoat off showing the short sleeves of her loose-collar blouse and exposed ivory skin. She bent down and took off her saddle shoes and rolled her jeans up to just below her knees. Once she was done with that, she stepped into the water.

The cold feeling felt as good on her feet as it did flowing down her throat. She walked in deeper making the water come up to a quarter of her shins. She didn't know why she had the desire to get herself wet, but the feeling was so revitalizing that she didn't care.

Susan shrugged and got her coat and shoes before setting up the creek preferring to travel this way instead of walking in her shoes. The water swooshed softly as she waded through the clear cool liquid. She heard the distant sound of mocking birds singing as she treaded in the water.

The water didn't get much deeper than going up to her knees making her pants get wet. She observed that the shaded spots from the trees are probably the deepest possibly going up to her waist if she went over there. She made a note to travel where the sun was shining on the water. The water only came up to a little bit past her ankles if she didn't fall in one of the shallow pools between the rocks. At times, she had to climb on big surface rocks to avoid travel through the creek pools. She didn't want to disturb the life in them.

However, there was one time when she had accidentally stepped in one of the creek pools and a frog touched her leg surprising her and falling backwards landing her butt in the water. Despite the fact that her butt hurt and it was wet, she just got up with a tiny chuckle at herself and continued on.

The sun was now setting signaling to Susan that it was going to get dark soon. She approached a bank alongside the creek which Susan had discovered was wider than where she started making it seem like a small river now.

She waded over to the sandy shore and plopped herself on the sand. She was exhausted, but she wasn't remorseful in taking her walk. Susan stared up at the sunset sky bathed in many colors. The air had gotten colder she now realized and it will continue to get colder meaning that Susan would have to stop for the night. It was pointless anyway to try and walk through a creek in the dark.

Sitting up then, Susan had placed on her shoes and rolled her pants back down to their original state. Her eyes drifted to the creek where the water went at a quicker pace here. No doubt there would be some fish coming out now. She resulted that making a fire would be her first priority; then, she would get some food to cook.

With that thought, Susan rose up and dusted herself off. She left her overcoat on a rock since she didn't feel like it was cold enough to wear it again. The light breeze ran across her arms as she walked towards where the trees were. She looked for stray sticks on the ground not wanting to tear one away from the trees. Not much luck greeted her.

She gazed at her findings with gloom over her. Three puny little twigs wouldn't satisfy a decent campfire. With a sigh of disappointment, Susan turned to head back to the bank and maybe look for something she could eat without having to cook it while there was still light out.

However, when she walking away, she heard a small sound of something plopping on the ground. She turned her attention to where she once stood and found a pile of sticks there neatly stacked.

She walked to the pile hesitantly. As if she was afraid something would jump out of it and attack her. When she was sure that no one was around but her, she picked up the sticks in her arms and looked around for one final time.

The next thing she did she wasn't sure why she had done it. However, she thought it was necessary. She gave a bow of gratitude to no one and turned to head back to the bank.

A slight breeze started after she had bowed. It blew past her playing with strands of her hair in a teasing manner. As if it was saying "You're Welcome" to her in response.

Susan should've been scared. She should've at least screamed or something. But all she did was give a shy smile back and continue on.

When Susan returned, she set up the sticks and rubbed two together to get a flame. It was small and Susan had to blow on it softly a couple of times, but it soon came to life to become a decent campfire.

Once that was done, Susan went towards the shore of the small river and shed off her shoes and rolled up her pants once more. It was still light out, even just barely, as she stood in the shallow quick flowing waters quietly. Her eyes searched sharply over the water in order to catch a fish. She positioned herself and got her hands ready.

A few minutes of just standing there, Susan suddenly caught eye of something shiny swimming through the water. With quick reflexes, she dove her hands in to grasp it.

Nevertheless, things didn't go as what Susan would've hoped. As she dove, she slipped on a rock and let out a yelp before falling into the water landing on her back. The fish had slipped out of her grasps.

A few times more ended with the same result of Susan getting wet, but not in the same place twice. By the time she had even caught something, she was soaked all over. And the fish she caught wasn't even as big as her middle finger.

With a disgruntled sigh, she threw the fish back in the river. She went back on the shore and tried to squeeze as much water out of her clothes as she could.

A splash then sounded beside her causing her gaze to turn towards the sound. On the bank of the shore, lied a wiggling trout. Susan raised an eyebrow at that. She walked over and picked up the trout, then looked towards the flowing water of the river with a confused expression. First the sticks, then the fish. Was there someone else here besides herself?

However, she felt that no human was here besides herself. Still, she felt something was here. She felt it—even if it was just a little bit—since she arrived in the forest.

She felt like the forest was alive somehow.

Shaking those thoughts out of her head, she nodded her thanks anyway and went to cook the trout. As it was roasting above the fire, Susan had traveled back to the water. She stared at it as if she was trying to figure something out.

She stepped into the now black water because the night had covered the sky. She stood there, just staring at it as if she was expecting for something to happen.

Suddenly, she could've sworn she saw a face in the water that wasn't her own making her yelp and fall back in the water soaking herself once more.

--

What a goofball she was, she told herself as she chewed on the now cooked trout. It was very delicious and she couldn't help but give a bashful smile to the river in appreciation for the good trout.

Susan had finally put on her overcoat as she sat in front of the small flame. She felt the gentle breeze a couple of times when the flame was just about to go out making it come alive again. Gratitude radiated off her being as she sat there on the shore of the creek. She knew they—whatever _they_ were—could feel it too.

Once she was done, Susan made sure to clean everything up as to not leave any remains that weren't going to be accepted into the soil once more. She laid back with her arms tucked behind her head and stared up at the stars. Everything was quiet except for the fire crackling, the river rushing, and the occasional cricket sounding.

As she lied there, Susan thought about what she was going to do now. Surely she had some kind of destination set out for her. With blanks once again coming up as her answers, Susan turned to her side and shut her eyes in an effort to sleep. However, her thoughts were very much awake.

She had nowhere to go. She had nothing that would be important to her. Hell, she didn't even have her own memory! There wasn't really information in her brain to realize where she needed to go.

Perhaps she should just live here, she thought. She liked it here in the forest very much. It was very peaceful and the atmosphere was good for her. She could even build a cottage or something living the rest of her days here.

Yes, that sounded like a good plan, she smiled.

With that last thought, Susan had let sleep take her. Dreaming of dancing trees and living waters as she did so.

--

The sun beat down on Susan as she opened her eyes. She sat up and began to rub the sleep out of her eyes sluggishly. The fire had gone out leaving a small wisp of smoke meaning that it had probably gone out recently. The gentle breeze must've kept it alive while she slept.

With another aura of gratitude, Susan headed over to the river to wash her face. Then she would clean up the campsite and move on, she planned. She wanted to get as much walking done as possible today.

Susan scooped water in her hands and splashed her face a couple of times. Feeling that she was wide awake now, Susan rose and turned around.

It was then when Susan turned around that she saw she wasn't alone anymore.

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise instead of fear like she supposed she should've felt. There, standing in front of her, were some short men—dwarfs, she found herself thinking—and some animals—some standing on two legs!—staring at her.

She stared back at them as well. She saw their eyes widen a fraction of a second before their eyes narrowed. Some in confusion, others in suspicion.

"Who are you?' demanded a dwarf as he pointed his spear at her. Susan didn't pay the spear mind as she just stared at them. A familiar feeling washed over her telling her that she had seen creatures like this before.

The dwarf became frustrated with her as he repeated the question and touched the spear to her cheek. The pressure wasn't enough to draw blood, but Susan assumed a mark would be left.

Her eyes looked upon all the creatures before landing on the dwarf who pointed his weapon at her. With unwavering eyes, she opened her mouth.

"Susan" she said in a quiet, yet solid voice showing them she wasn't intimidated at all, "My name is Susan"

**--**

**(May 24, 2008)**

**Karin: Alright. There's the forth chapter. It's longer than the first three so I hope you guys liked that. **

**Oh dear, cliffhanger. What will become of Susan now? Tune in next chapter to find out, okay?**

**I'm so excited today. I'm seeing the Narnia movie again with my friend tonight. I love that movie so much! **

**See ya next time! **


	5. Missing 05: Cair Paravel

Karin: I just found out something cool

**Karin: I just found out something cool! I divided 1300 years by 365 days and got the exact time on how many years in Narnia a day is in the real world. My answer was 3.561643836 or it's 3.6 or 3.5 depending on the rounding. That means that one day in the real world would be 3 and half years in Narnia. **

**Title: **Missing

**Rating: **Teen

**Pairings: **Keep reading to find out

**Genres: **Hurt/Comfort/Angst/Drama/General

**Warnings: **Dark, angstiness

**Disclaimer: **Remember, my spleen will burst if I claim falsely in owning Narnia, which I don't own.

**Replies to Reviewers from Chapter Four:**

**Pagan-Angel13- **I'm glad you enjoyed the cliffhanger. I thought everyone was going to form an angry mob for me doing that.

**Enjoylife1994- **Yeah, I thought that putting Susan as a little clumsy would make her character more realistic. I remember laughing when I was proof reading the forth chapter when Susan was trying to catch fish and kept falling into the water. I like to add some clumsiness in the main character of my stories because I think it gives them a cute quality to themselves and shows that they aren't perfect.

**--**

**Missing**

**Chapter Five**

**Cair Paravel **

**-**

**-**

**-**

Irritation. The act of feeling impatient or exasperated. Now that Susan thought of it, irritation wasn't the best definition for what she felt right now. It was something much stronger than irritation.

She was downright _pissed_.

There we go, that's the perfect statement to describe her mood right now. Downright pissed.

It wasn't the walk that she had minded much. Oh no, she enjoyed walking even if it was in the company of strange creatures. But she could really do without the pointy objects they poked into her back every single five seconds. That would ignite one's annoyance.

She could also do without the staring. Or maybe glaring in this case. Susan felt their eyes burning holes into her making her become very withdrawn as she gazed at her feet all the while. Her cheeks pink with embarrassment. She hated being the center of attention.

Another poking from a spear made her speed up her pace a little bit. It all happened so fast now that she recollected. Sure, they were hostile to her before, but as soon as her name left her lips, they threatened her to come with them at once. The aura of despise increased tenfold.

She also didn't appreciate that they were now out of the forest. The place where she felt most welcome. She didn't dare look up to where they were heading until she felt them slowing down in their pace.

When she did raise her head, however, her eyes widened.

They were now standing in front of a humongous marble stone castle. It's atmosphere joyous and welcoming. Nothing like the hostile aura she felt from her company.

She was yanked out of her musings when the double wooden doors across the drawbridge opened to a glorified—but not gaudy—entrance hall. Two staircases leading opposite ways were on each side of the room. The columns of the room were carved into lions. In between the staircases on the other side of the long room, was another set of doors.

Another poke made Susan bite her lip to prevent herself from cussing off at her company. Instead, she entertained herself with a daydream of grabbing a random stick from nowhere and whack all of them on the head with it repeatedly.

Music sounded through the doors as they walked closer to the opposite end of the room.Their steps were echoed throughout the grand hall as they traveled.

The doors were opened causing the clouded music to become clear as a bell in Susan's ears. An extravagant marble stone room with a glass ceiling and people (with the addition of other mythical creatures, she noted) dancing in beautiful dresses and magnificent robes.

At the end of the room was a platform leading up to three chairs sitting in front of a glass wall showing the striking blue sea. Golden rays of sunshine blazed through the ceiling making the room glow.

And yet, all Susan had felt as she gazed upon this lovely room was major awkwardness and the sense of unwelcoming.

Susan squinted towards the thrones to see what the people in them looked like, but they were too far away for her to tell. She took a step forward in order to get a better look, but it wasn't helping much. So she took another.

Consequently, though, as soon as she took that second step, she didn't realize she had stepped right onto the stairs leading into the room thinking it was all flat ground. She then fell forward tumbling down the set of steps and landed on her abdomen with her chin banging on the marble floor. That was going to hurt in the morning.

It was as if everything had stopped as soon as they all noticed her. All the jolliness gone from the room replacing it with a dead silence. Susan sat up in an Indian sitting style ignoring them as she nursed the back of her head which had been hit several times during her fall.

The silence had continued still when she stood up and finally set her azure gaze onto all of the occupants of the room.

Only to wish she hadn't raised her head in the first place.

If she thought the hostility of her previous company was bad, she probably would've been six feet under already with these guys. Their scrutinized gazes stared her down with something much more deeply than hostility.

It was downright _hatred_.

Now this made Susan ponder. Why would they be looking at her hatred? Her azure eyes searched around and surveyed everyone in an effort to get some clue as to what was the problem. When her eyes returned to staring straight ahead, she only got one conclusion.

She was defying their female gender role by wearing pants.

…okay, maybe that wasn't it, but as Susan looked around, she found that she was the only female in this room wearing pants. And no matter how laughable—she had to use all her self control to not double over laughing—her theory was, she couldn't help but wonder.

A man rose from the middle throne. His glare felt like fire to Susan and she couldn't help but turn her gaze to the floor as if ashamed. For some reason, the male made her feel remorse at herself.

"What's your business here?" he demanded. Susan kept her gaze to the floor and her mouth shut. She felt her earlier company descend the stairs and bow to him.

"We found her in the forest, your Majesty" the dwarf who kept poking her with the spear answered. "She claims her name is Susan" he spat her name as if it was a curse.

Okay, now Susan _really_ wanted to scam. The occupants in the room had reacted just like the creatures in the forest when she spoke her name. The hatred and hostility radiated out of every pore in their bodies as they glared at her with loathing. She was sure that if they weren't such refined people as their auras suggested, they would've started an angry mob by now.

_Must have something against the name Susan, _she thought wryly. Oh what her luck that that just so happens to be her name! What kind of sick karma is that?!

Susan kept her gaze to the floor not wanting to look at any of the inhabitants of the room. Being here made her stomach churn unpleasantly and she believed she might start to vomit soon. Her hands lied in her pockets to prevent herself from constantly ringing them together in nervousness.

It was like she was a disgusting animal in front of these sophisticated nobles. Like she was a disease that could be caught in the event of human contact. She felt so disgusting under their gaze. So filthy and revolting and no matter how many times she had cleaned herself, she was still the direst thing alive, possibly even dirtier than when she started.

"You're not welcome here" the same male snared out at her. Susan dared to take a peek only to look down again. He looked like he wanted to spit at her for just standing there. She could feel, rather than hear, that the others in the room agreed with him.

But what had she done? All she did was travel in the forest! Was it a crime to explore?!

"We could provide assistance in getting rid of her, sire" a faun spoke in the audience with an evil grin.

"Yes, her mere presence darkens this holy place" a dwarf agreed and scrutinized their face as if Susan smelled bad.

"Just give the order King Peter and we'll cut her throat" a centaur spoke gleefully.

At that, Susan's head snapped up to look at the man who glared at her with so much revulsion. Not because he could order her to be dead, but because of what the centaur called him. Peter. It sounded so familiar to her. For a second, she felt like crying as she looked upon him, as if she hadn't seen him in such a long time and missed him.

"Surely you would take her away from here before you did that" a female chimed in. Her auburn hair glistened in the sun as she gazed down at Susan with abhorrence. "Don't want her blood dirtying the place" Susan felt the same thing she had with Peter with this girl, who appeared younger than her, as well.

She dared a glance at the third throne occupant. His dark raven hair fell on his forehead as he glared at her as well. The feeling of missing them was still there.

Her emotions were going through a whirlwind as she gazed upon the three royal beings before her. She didn't dare to glance at anyone else in the room in fear she would feel the same thing as she felt for the three rulers opposite of her.

And yet, they didn't show any sign that they were experiencing the same confounds as she was. They were just like the others in the room: unsympathetic, unreceptive, unfriendly, and uncaring.

The antagonistic atmosphere was beginning to suffocate her lungs. She pleaded in her mind for something, _anything_, to rid of this atmosphere.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she was shoved to the ground by an animal behind her. It growled at her when she landed on her knees and hands.

"Don't you have any respect?!" it shrieked at her, "These are the Kings and Queen! You should bow when they are speaking to you!" it yelled at her.

However, instead of staying down, Susan rose to her feet and turned to glare at the offending animal. Her defiant aura caused them to step back a little.

"That is enough" commanded a calm deep voice. Everyone turned their attention to the speaker of the voice. A lion twice as big as a normal lion stood proud and tall. The aggressive ambiance diminished somewhat to replace with complete respect for this newcomer.

The lion ignored them all and made his way to Susan. Her stomach did crazy flips adding to her nervousness. In all honesty, she felt so small and insignificant when coming face to face with this lion.

The lion stopped in front of her and Susan stared back at him with wary uncertainty. She looked upon him with respect and—to her surprise—trust.

"How are you, dear one?" he asked kindly to her. Susan's frazzled nerves finally burned out causing her voice completely shut down. Ever since coming here, she didn't really want to talk to any of these beings, but as she stared upon this majestic lion, all she wanted to do was confess her problems to him.

While the others glared at her for not answering, the lion just smiled at her and asked another question.

"Tell me Susan," he said her name as if he was talking to his child, "Do you know anything about where you are or where you came from?"

Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment as humiliation emitted off her. She didn't know anything besides her name! Her gaze dropped to the floor again. The lion chuckled getting his answer from her reaction.

"Nothing at all?" he inquired, but Susan had a feeling he already knew that she only had knowledge of her name. Why he was asking her these questions when he knew the answers was beyond her. "What about family? Friends?" he asked.

Now her ears were burning in mortification! Oh how she wished a hole would appear and swallow her whole! Another obvious answer due to her reaction that she didn't know about her family—if she had one—or friends—if she had them at all.

"What do you know then?" he asked her knowingly. He wasn't demanding answers from her and for that she was grateful. The lion allowed her to take her time and gently probed her with questions.

With a shaky finger, Susan pointed to herself. She had completely forgotten the other occupants in the room who had switched to confusion and shock. All she focused on the grand lion standing before her.

"Only your name" the lion concluded. "No surname?" Surname? Susan racked her brain but came up with nothing. All she knew was her first name: Susan. She shook her head and shyly peeked up at him before going back to staring at the marble floor.

"All you know is your first name" the lion stated benevolently as to show he wouldn't hold that against her. "Well then Susan, who only owns a name, this place is called Cair Paravel and you are welcome to stay here with us as you regain your missing identity" the lion offered with a kindhearted smile.

Susan could feel the strong objection among the crowd, but no one dared to speak. To defy against this godly being.

Susan was in the middle of shaking her head no since she wanted to stay in the forest, but the look in this lion's golden eyes and the feeling of familiarity consumed her. The feeling intensified the longer she looked.

And that was then she knew, _knew_ that this lion was the one to help her before. That he was calling her here. Helping her get away from that heavy fog.

Susan then changed her mid-shake to a timid nod. The lion smiled at her in welcoming.

"I am Aslan, and I welcome you here to Cair Paravel, dear Susan"

**--**

**Karin: Okay, just saw Narnia for the third time today. Whoo! But then I found out that my sister isn't a Susan fan so I guess that increases our sibling disagreements. We were debating about Susan all the way to the car! I mean, yes, Susan's a little unlikable in the books, but C.S Lewis was actually going to make an eighth Narnia book about Susan; sadly, he died before he could write it so it's now up to fanfiction to satisfy the craving for Susan redemption fics. **

**And about why Aslan was questioning Susan when he already knew the answers, you'll find out later on, okay? **

**So, anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter and tune in next time.**

**See ya next time! **


	6. Missing 06: Adaptation

Karin: …So hot… stupid heat

**May 27, 2008:**

**Karin: …So hot… stupid heat! I hate it when it's scorching hot like this! I wish my parents would just put on the AC since I don't have a ceiling fan in my room nor do I have a ceiling fan in the office room where I type my chapters! It's horrible! But for the sake of updating, I will have to deal with it. However, I wish my parents would hurry up and give me a stinking fan! Even with my windows and door opened and no covers on me, I was burning like I just ate a bucket of hot chilly peppers in the hot sun! Plus, the heat prevented me sleeping one wink last night! **

**Ahem, sorry about that. The heat makes me prone to rant more than usual. **

**Title: **Missing

**Rating: **Teen

**Pairings: **Will you stop reading if I tell you?

**Genres: **Hurt/Comfort/Drama/Angst/General

**Warnings: **angsty darkness

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Narnia… crap…

**Replies to Reviews from Chapter Five: **

**Princess Lucy- **I sent you a personal reply, but in case it didn't make it to you, here's what I said: "Missing" and "Snow White Queen" are too different stories. They have no connection to each other whatsoever.

**Greyhound Master- **I feel so honored that you would stalk this story. That was a major boost for my low self-esteem.

**QueenSusanLovesKingCaspian18- **Hey, you're that person I wrote a review to for partner writing! How are you? Glad you are enjoying my story. You even put it and me on your favorite's list. Thank you very much. Oh, and please update your story "Life after Returning Home" soon because I really like it. Caspian and Susan rock!

**Rhyno304- **Well, even if it is heaven, I doubt everyone would just forgive her and be all happy pappy. They will eventually begin to warm up to her though so it won't be like this forever. Erm, are you going to flame me if I said that I liked the Caspian/Susan shippage in the movie? But I'm also a Peter/Susan fan too though. However, even when the pairings are coming out, romance will not be the main thing with all the angst and stuff is taking place. Can't have a major romance when angst is upon them. But yeah, Susan did kick some major ass in the movie.

**Formosa- **Yay! Kudos for me! I'm so glad someone agrees with me on the Susan matter. Having a Susan-hater as a sister can be frustrating at times. I'm very pleased that you are enjoying Susan's character. I enjoyed typing up her defiant-take-no-shit-from-anyone aura tidbit in the last chapter. She's very shy and clumsy, but she refuses to take attitude from no one. Are you serious about the no relative time thing? That means that my parents tricked me into doing math on my own time for no reason! That stinks.

**Master Keto- **I'm not offended. I love that pairing actually. However, I will not spoil anything for you because it would seem like I would ruin the story for you. I too can be a hopeless romantic when it comes to my animes/books/movies. My friends say I have problems because I'm a pairings fanatic. I could rant for hours on end why that pairing is the best and how I (if something bad happens) was unsatisfied on the way the relationship turned out. I was very sad when Susan had to leave Caspian at the end and my poor friend just had to be the victim of my ranting.

**Merlyn2- **Okay, now I feel really dumb about being happy about falsely figuring out Narnia's time difference with the real world. Thanks for correcting my mistake though. I actually heard about the eighth book thing from someone else on . Can't remember who though. Thanks for liking my story anyway.

**Lar lindor- **I can't say I know what it's like for my email to shut down, but I know how frustrating the internet can be. I mean, my computer has been very cruddy for months (but it's okay right now) and I couldn't even get on ! Let alone log in. It was a very stressful time for me. My friend Melissa was there though to help ease the sulking. Glad you're enjoying the story so far. I'm really happy that you have reviewed all my chapters so far.

**Enjoylife1994- **It isn't out yet for you? That MUST be annoying. I don't know how I could take it. That's torture that no one deserves! I hope that you'll have a great time when you do go and see it and not have anyone talking while you're watching the movie. When I was seeing it for the third time with my mom and sister, my sister and mom made occasional comments and it took them on my third "shush" to get the picture that I wanted them to be quiet (even though when I did shush them at the third time, my sister told me to shut up). Anyway, they all know she's Susan already so it's because Susan had forgotten Narnia and stuff. And then she shows up there all of a sudden? It's like Susan got to come in Narnia even though she didn't believe making her have no right to be there. That would ignite some scorn, wouldn't you say? I'm glad that you enjoy Susan's clumsy moments like I do.

**Rishtalak- **Thanks for the compliment on my writing. It gave my self-esteem on writing a good boost. I'm happy that someone else likes movie Susan too.

**--**

**Missing **

**Chapter Six**

**Adaptation**

**-**

**-**

**-**

Susan sat behind one of the many marble columns throughout the marble hallways in the grand castle known as Cair Paravel. She fingered with a loose thread from her overcoat out of boredom as she sat with her legs spread out on the shaded marble floor where no one could see her in the shadows. The cool marble felt good on her neck and back of her head.

Not much has happened since she had started staying at Cair Paravel. She usually spent her time hiding out somewhere where no one would see her and think to herself only coming out of her domain when it was mealtime—probably the worse time of the day where everyone could glare at her and degrade her directly or indirectly.

It has only been three days since she had started staying here and each mealtime it was getting more and more difficult to keep her mouth shut. If it wasn't for her gratefulness towards Aslan, she would've cussed off the whole great hall with words that would put a foul-mouthed sailor to shame and give some of them a right hook in the jaw.

However, her self-control had overcome her pride and told her to bear it for her sake. She didn't want to disappoint Aslan when he was being so kind to her when no one else was.

Susan had not spoken a word since arriving here. She chose that her best course would be to just kept her mouth shut and ignore everyone. At times when she was hiding out, she would hear groups making horrible comments about her as they unknowingly passed by her. These were the times Susan was grateful to the vow of silence she had made or else she would've revealed herself and gotten into a mess with her big mouth.

All Susan wanted to do was basically stay in her room—if she could call it one that is. It was very small with a creaking springy single bed with a rotted wood dresser. The walls were brown and looked as if they were made out of dirt themselves while the floorboards were covered in dust. A small window allowed sunlight and fresh air to get through from the opposite of the wooden door. And yet, Susan didn't mind it one bit. She rather liked it considering she felt almost at home there as she felt completely at home in the forest, which she had not been to since arriving to Cair Paravel. Apparently she wasn't allowed to leave the castle, which peeved her a bit.

She could've asked Aslan to let her go, but she just couldn't bring herself to ask him. He had done so much for her so far making sure she was comfortable in her arrangements and such. She didn't want to burden him more with her complaints.

So, she kept quiet about it and sought out solace somewhere else. She would've stayed in her room the whole time, but Aslan had asked her to not isolate herself in her room all the time while she was here saying it wasn't healthy for her. And not wanting to feel isolated for so long because it reminded her of her time in the fog, she had silently agreed with his request. Now all she had to do was find places to hide and hang around until chow time.

Susan's ears caught sets of footsteps walking in the hallway giggling. Her brain clicked telling her they were female. And just like all the other passersby, they had not noticed Susan behind the stone marble column sitting in the shadows.

"Yes, High King Peter is handsome, but I prefer King Edmund" one beautiful girl spoke with a flirtatious sigh. Susan had to roll her eyes and pretend to gag as she listened to their pointless squabble. During her stay here and catching bits and pieces of conversations allowed her to learn who the three royals of Cair Paravel are: Peter, Edmund, and Lucy. Each name struck a cord as she thought of them.

"I think both of them are charming" said the second girl; she was also beautiful as the first. "They're both good-looking and great rulers" she giggled. If they didn't stop that insufferable giggling soon, Susan was pretty sure she would be the source of a triple homicide. Or at least multiple black eyes and bloody lips; anything to shut them up really.

"It's a shame they can't go against Aslan though," the third one said, "Then we would have that wretched girl out of here in less than a second" she told her other beautiful companions with a tone of disgust.

"Ah yes, she was rather ugly, don't you think?" the first one asked with distain.

"Was? She _is_ ugly! And those clothes! I'd bet she robbed a beggar or something on the way here" cackled the second girl. Susan felt her fists clench in annoyance. What was wrong with her clothes? They were very easy to move around in for their information!

"And her lack of discipline makes her so unattractive. Honestly! Roaming around without regard of what others say! And her silence makes her seem so arrogant! She has no respect for authority whatsoever!"

Okay, they did have a point about the no-respect-for-authority-whatsoever part. Sure, she kept her tongue and behaved, but she guessed that she really didn't listen to anyone besides Aslan in this place. If they wanted her respect, they would have to earn it. Screw social status respect! That was her thought on matters of respect.

Now that she looked back on it, maybe she did come off as a little cocky, but no one ever said that anyone was perfect. She was the constant proof of those laws of physics. Besides, it wasn't like she was doing it on _purpose_. She just didn't give a crap on how she should behave when they just hate her anyway. It was only fair.

Susan was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard them laughing meanly.

"Perhaps Aslan has been turned into a fool. Letting that girl stay here was a big mistake on his part. I really don't get why anyone should listen to him" the second girl said with a sick grin.

Susan felt anger course through her veins as she heard that. Her fists clenched and her eyes narrowed. Her mind barely registered the other two agreeing and continued on with their new topic of conversation. Insulting her attitude Susan could tolerate, but to insult Aslan—the only being she owed her respect and gratefulness for—was just the thing to tick her off.

Aslan was a great and kind being. He was someone who deserved respect and not these horrible comments. Her anger increased tenfold as she heard the next comment from the second girl.

"Aslan should've never been our ruler at all"

Without even realizing what she was doing, Susan stuck her foot out from behind the column and tripped the second girl. She let out a shriek before landing on the red carpet floor. Her friends went to her aid. They all looked around to look for the source, but none of them caught sight of the lone silhouette of Susan in the shadows.

"Who did that?" demanded the fallen girl as she stood up in a huff. She rounded on her two companions with fire in her eyes when she caught sight of no one but them. "Which one of you did it?!"

"We didn't do it!" protested the third girl in outrage. Her glare was deadly as the second girl looked at her in disbelief. "Perhaps you tripped over yourself!"

"I'm not clumsy to trip over nothing! Maybe you two would be, but not me!" retorted the second girl. The two other girls glared at her as she said that clearly insulted.

Susan covered her mouth to prevent herself from laughing. She took a peek as the three were arguing and insulting each other. An evil though then came into her mind and she stuck her foot out again and tapped the back of the first girl's knee making her fall as well. (Karin: My sister did that to me once. Apparently I was supposed to wait for her before leaving to go to the bus stop on the first day of school, which is odd since she sometimes leave without me)

The third girl screamed. Each of them looked around with fear in their eyes now realizing that someone else was doing this. And since no one was seen, they feared it was something dangerous since they were sure nobody in Cair Paravel could be invisible.

"W-who's there?" the third girl stammered.

_One more round should do it,_ Susan thought to herself with a mischievous smirk that rivaled a fox. With the first girl's back to her and the other two not looking in her direction. She pushed the first girl on the back roughly towards the other two and all three of them crashed down to the floor.

That seemed to do it for they had scrambled up quickly and ran out of the hallway screaming at the top of their lungs about evil ghosts. All the while, Susan watched with a grin of satisfaction on her face.

When she felt the coast was clear, Susan strolled out of her hiding place and whistled a tune as if nothing had happened. It served those girls right for talking that way about Aslan, Susan gave off a low chuckle as she remembered their expressions when she was playing her trick on them. Really, if they had a brain, they would realize that someone was hiding behind the columns.

Susan tucked her arms behind her head as she leisurely walked through the marble hallways. Her eyes gazed upon the craftsmanship of the cravings in the great stone hallways in admiration. Surely someone with a talent and great patience must've made it.

And yet, Susan's thoughts said that the grand carvings of Cair Paravel would not compare to her sanctuary in the forest. She wondered if her imprint in the grass was still there. She wondered if the creek was still as clear and cool as she left it. Her steps turned to slow drags with her arms coming down to her sides as her shoulders slumped. A sigh of disappointment escaped her lips.

She didn't want to wonder. She wanted to _know_.

She then rapidly shook her head to prevent her thoughts to drift back to the forest. There was no use dwelling when she should concentrate on finding out who she is. That should be her first priority after all. Even though there was little to no chance she would ever get her memories back.

Susan pushed the pessimistic thoughts out of her mind as she entered the courtyard. It wasn't the main one where everyone hung out in, but it was one of the few places Susan liked to be. Plus, no one ever came there making the place gain bonus points in Susan's opinion. Being alone all the time helped her figure out just where everyone usually hung out so she could pick out secluded spots to think to herself without worry of being disturbed.

It was a plain stone courtyard, small compared to the grand courtyards she'd seen while exploring. She walked down the stone steps leading to the ground of the courtyard where a fountain resided in the middle. Lily pads with white water lilies floated upon the blue water as koi fish swam beneath it.

The rim of the water fountain was wide enough for Susan to lie down on with some moving space. With an exhausted breath, Susan laid back with her arms tucked behind her head as she stared at the blue sky with fluffy white clouds above her. The only sounds in the courtyard were her soft breathing and the echo of the water flowing from atop the fountain into the main body of the fountain water.

Her azure eyes gazed upon the clouds in the sky. She found cloud watching to be quite entertaining for her bored mind. Sometimes she would even make up stories of certain clouds she spotted depending on what they looked like to her. So far, she saw one fox, two dragons, a dwarf, several fluffy animals, and a couple fish here and there. She even saw a swordfish and a piranha looking like they were going to try and eat each other.

Susan had been so absorbed in her thoughts that she had no idea that someone else was in the deserted courtyard. It wasn't until it was too late for her to realize she had company.

"Hello there" a badger's face appeared above her as they voiced out their greeting. Susan gave off a startled cry causing her to fall into the fountain from surprise. A big splashing sound reverberated throughout the courtyard causing the badger to wince. When Susan resurfaced coughing, she sat on her bottom in the fountain with her bent knees in front of her while her hands supported her upright. She was dripping wet and coughing up the water that had accidentally gotten into her system. The badger looked frantic as he started apologizing.

"Forgive me! Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to say hello" Susan looked up at her new companion now. "Honestly, I had no idea you would be surprised by that. Truly I'm sorry" he told her and bowed apologetically.

A moment of silence passed as Susan looked at him in surprise. She then stood up with the water coming up to her knees and waded over to the embarrassed animal. She stood before him for a second before patting his head stating from the gesture that she didn't hold it against him.

The badger looked up at her in gratefulness. He gave her a welcoming smile.

"Well then, now that that's behind us, I would like to introduce myself" he said to her. Susan gave him a nod indicating he should continue. He gave her a bow of greeting and said "I am Trufflehunter. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Susan"

Susan winced at the formal title. She didn't think she was someone of deserving for a formal title. She waved her hands in front of her as she shook her head. _No miss, _she implied, _just Susan_.

"Why not?" Trufflehunter seemed to understand what she was telling him, which made her glad she didn't have to try hard to make sure he got her thoughts. "It's a term of respect for you" he didn't say it with malice at all. In fact, he was truly curious.

Despite the fact that he was treating her nice, Susan didn't want to break her vow of silence yet. She wasn't ready to open up to these people who she didn't know. It just felt strange to her if she started speaking to people who hated her.

Susan then held up her hands and began signing with her figures. She remembered, even if it was fuzzy, that when she was younger, a homeless woman had taught her sign language because Susan had given her half of her sandwich everyday on the way to school. However, Susan could only remember the woman and not anything else. She prayed Trufflehunter would understand sign language.

_Haven't earned it, _she signed out, _I don't like being called so formally anyway, it makes me feel old. _Trufflehunter laughed. A clear sign he could understand what she was telling him.

"Very well then, but you earned my respect so that is what I will call you, Miss Susan" hearing the title caused Susan to make a sour face, but Trufflehunter ignored her. "Come on, you're at that age where you need a title" he told her with a gentle smile.

Susan sighed and nodded in defeat knowing she wasn't going to win anyways. Suddenly, a chill ran up her spine and she sneezed loudly making an echo in the courtyard. Trufflehunter looked at her in worry.

"Oh dear, you're still standing in the water. And you're soaking wet! Let's get you dried off before you catch a cold here" he suggested. Susan stepped out of the fountain and began following the badger back into the castle. She knew that protesting would be useless anyway.

**--**

**May 29, 2008:**

**Karin: Well, that's the end of chapter six. Susan's made a friend, yay! I felt Trufflehunter should be her companion as she struggles in Cair Paravel. However, not everyone else will approach Susan right away like Trufflehunter did so don't expect others to follow Trufflehunter's example right away. **

**So I hope you enjoyed this chapter and seeing how Susan is adapting to her new life so far. She won't always have no memory though; so, don't expect her to be memoryless forever. **

**Next Chapter- Missing 07: Self-restraint**

**See ya next time! **


	7. Missing 07: SelfRestraint

**Karin: (bows in apology a million times over) I'm terribly sorry for not updating this story in forever. Very, honestly, truly sorry! Please forgive me. **

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Narnia

**Title: **Missing  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairing(s): **not telling  
**Genre(s): **Hurt/Comfort/Drama/Angst/General  
**Warnings: **antsy darkness

* * *

**Replies to Reviews from Chapter Six: **

**The Sushi Monster- **thank you for the compliments and the grammatical advice. I will try to do better on punctuations.

**Lar lindor- **glad you like it, but where exactly did I lose you? I would like to clear it up for you if I can please. I don't want you to be confused Lar-chan.

**Enjoylife1994- **I really do apologize for taking so darn long with this. Really, I am sorry. Yes, it's not nice of those people to make fun of Susan, is it? Meanies. Don't worry, I rather liked your ranting moment; I have them too as well (smiles). To answer your question, yes, I will do Edmund's reaction to Susan's arrival and I will answer your second question of is he mad at her as his other siblings in this chapter. Thanks for encouraging me to continue this by the way. It was very nice of you.

**Rishtalak- **This is more like a continuation of the series with AUish elements. Hmm, about your questions—I cannot say because then that would be spoiling (grins). Happy to see you like Susan having some spunk.

**I'd rather live in books- **Woah, woah. Slow down there (laughs). All will be explained in time. I promise you that (smily face)

**Im too lazy to write i story- **erm… what does the dot mean…?

**Erin-21- **Again, really sorry for not updating this in over a year. Glad you like it as well. Thank you for the be well wishes. I hope you are well yourself.

**ABby- **Thank you and happy you like it.

**Golden-Mist- **I can't express how sorry I am for not updating in over a year. I really, really am sorry.

* * *

**Missing**

**Chapter Seven**

**Self-Restraint**

**-**

**-**

**-**

King Edmund simply stared at the middle of the throne room with an inquisitive eyebrow raised. Sitting in the chair on the left side of the middle, he was the epitome of nonchalance and confusion if there ever was one.

And why exactly was Edmund so confused right now you ask? It's quite simple actually.

A few hours before all of this confusion sprung, he was greeted by three court ladies scared out of their wits. They were near hysterics as they spluttered out nonsense of a ghost lurking about—which was odd within itself as you can imagine since they were in Aslan's country—and he, being almost to the point of questioning their sanity, was at a loss.

Nevertheless, his perplexity about the whole ghost thing soon became weirder as the great lion himself had walked in and approached the young king.

"Perhaps you should check with Susan about your ghost, Edmund." he said with a twinkle in his eyes—as if he knew some good joke that Edmund had no idea about. "I'm sure she'd know something about it."

So that's what he did. He had summoned the silent girl to the throne room to discuss with her—although considering her vow of silence, it'd be a one-sided conversation to start with—the matter of the ghost like Aslan had told him to.

Speaking of the quiet maiden, Susan was currently standing in the middle of the throne room shuffling her feet and staring down at the lovely marble floor. He saw her wring her fingers repeatedly at her lap as she just stood there in her thoughts like he was.

Although in retrospect, he supposed he was a better choice to deal with this matter than Lucy or Peter. Especially Peter. Aslan knows how his older sibling would've reacted if Susan was involved in a matter he had to fix.

And to be honest, Edmund himself couldn't help but feel alienated as he beheld the sight before him like he had done so the first time she stood in the elegant, grand throne room. Looking at her there, she seemed so small. Edmund didn't remember if she'd always been this tiny or that he was only just seeing it now.

To him, she was always Susan. But now since she didn't remember, she was simply a stranger and vice versa.

Not his sister Susan. No, certainly not his dear sister.

And yet, it was her. He could still see her and not see her. In fact, he almost preferred this Susan because it seemed as if this Susan was indeed the real Susan underneath the womanly attitude he once associated her with. She wasn't restricted by boundaries or rules. She didn't quell her thoughts and opinions as it was "improper" to act out on one's thoughts for a lady. She was free to be herself and do as she pleased with her manner.

He wanted to be mad at her. He really did. He wanted to hate her like Lucy and Peter did, but he just couldn't. Because like she, he too was a traitor once. He was forgiven though. She wasn't.

Indeed, it seemed so long ago—when she had turned her back on Narnia. When she had called it a silly game and loathed their immature behavior. When she had preferred pretty dresses and parties than her family and Narnia.

To them, that was the biggest betrayal of all. She lost faith in Narnia and in them.

That had cut them deeper than any wound. He remember Lucy sobbing at Susan's words and Peter's hurt look—as if he was breaking inside by her scornful sentences. He remembered when she walked out of the door, out of their lives, never to see her again.

Until now that is.

When they had arrived in Aslan's country. Each of them had an unspoken vow: never talk about Susan. Susan had betrayed them. Susan didn't believe anymore. Susan had hurt them. Susan wasn't worth remembering in their eyes. Naturally the Narnians and the others in Aslan's country thought the same way. She was not worth remembering.

She was no longer a queen in their eyes.

But she had come back. Something they didn't think would ever happen. She had stood there in front of them. Stood in the middle of their glares of hatred to cover up the hurt. Stood there as she was mocked and degraded to make themselves feel better.

Stood there and glared right back not taking their taunts like she might have if she had her memory. She didn't shed a tear. No, she was prepared to make them shed tears of their own if her violent glare was any indication if they continued their disrespect on her.

Susan was prideful. She stood tall. Even now as she was fiddling with her fingers and such, he felt the strong will radiating off of her like waves.

Edmund really did want to hate her. Of course, he had when he had first come here. When she had left them. He had done a good job of it too, but then she came back to them again.

For it was when Edmund saw Susan standing in front of them once more, he knew he couldn't hate her. Even before discovering her memory loss, he knew he could not hate her. In addition, from the time he had laid eyes on Susan again in so long, he had felt something was off. Her aura was different. She was Susan yes, but she was not Susan.

He was the only one to notice though as Lucy and Peter were too caught up in their thoughts and emotions to see what he had saw.

Deep down, he knew that Peter and Lucy didn't really hate Susan either. Or at least that was what he had hoped. While their glares were harsh and their words cut like blades, he saw what they were thinking. Their internal conflict between self-restraint and rage over emotions and desires.

King Edmund had seen the glassy look in Lucy's eyes when Susan stood there. She had wanted to cry. To scream at the top of her lungs in both anger and happiness for Susan being there. She had wanted to take the girl into her arms and sob her heart out while Susan would comfort her like a mother would their child. Lucy had wanted Susan to whisper the words "I'm sorry. I believe now. I believe in Narnia. I really missed you, Lu" repeatedly until Lucy couldn't cry no more.

The harsh words she had spoken covered her mixed feelings of hatred and longing for comfort. Edmund could see that when Lucy herself did not.

Peter was a whole other story; Edmund mentally cringed as he thought back to his older brother's internal conflict with himself as Susan was standing before him. Out of all of them, Peter was the most hurt. The one who felt the most betrayal. He and Susan were very close. In fact, Edmund would bet his golden chess set that Peter was always closest to Susan. When Susan had walked out, Peter was shattered. He felt as if he had failed in something. As if he had failed in keeping close with their beloved sister.

Edmund recalled when Peter had glared at Susan with so much abhorrence that even he had winced. Because he knew all of the hurt Peter had buried resurfaced and he could see all his brother wanted to do was yell at her—demand why she had hurt him the way she did. What had he done to deserve her scorn? Why had she put him through this?

But yet, Edmund could see another part of Peter that no one else could see. He saw the longing; the spark of happiness that she was there. It was well hidden in the subconscious of his brother's mind no doubt, but it was there. The desire to embrace her and tell her how much he had missed her so. It was strong, but Peter's self-restraint and rage had kept it a bay.

But still, those feelings were there. Edmund had not imagined it at the least.

With those observations, Edmund dared to hope. To dream that his sister would be given redemption like he was. While his hurt was still present, his desire for his family to be complete was much stronger.

All of a sudden, a snapping sound yanked him out of his musings. Curiously, the King of Just looked down at Susan whom was snapping her fingers impatiently. It seems she had enough of just standing there and wanted to get this over with.

Edmund exercised every ounce of self-control not to smile and laugh then. Even though she didn't have her memory, there were some things that just made her Susan.

It was especially hard to keep a frown on his face when he saw her fingering the brown overcoat she was wearing and seem to rarely part with. No doubt Peter had recognized it as well. It was his coat after all.

"So, some ladies tell me they encountered a ghost in the great hall…" he started scrutinizing her reaction. She only raised an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly gesturing him to continue. "…and Aslan had said for me to inquire you about it. Do you know anything?" he asked her.

She only shrugged and shook her head signaling she did not know. She was an excellent actress; he would've bought it except when he had seen her eyes. They carried a quality of pride and satisfaction. It was like she had accomplished a hard-working goal.

Ah, so Susan was the one who caused the commotion. That explains why Aslan had hinted to summon her into the throne room…

Aslan. It seemed he was the only one who knew everything from the start about Susan. Her arrival. Her memory loss. He knew of her betrayal and yet he was the only one to stand by her. Aslan was a very forgiving being after all; he had forgiven Edmund when Edmund had been a traitor.

The fact that Aslan was the only one who stood by her awakened a new anger in the Pevensie siblings—at themselves for not figuring it out about her memory loss until it was spoken. And even then, they did not acknowledge her as a sibling or someone precious. Perhaps that was the reason why he—despite his apparent desire to reconcile with his sister—and his two siblings had refused to make any contact with her.

In reality, they were ashamed to. Ashamed at themselves under the remorse at her. They were ashamed because despite the fact that she was here with them, they couldn't bring themselves to forgive her yet.

"I see." he said pretending to buy her act. "Then why would Aslan tell me to ask you?" Edmund asked the dark haired girl. Again, she only shrugged.

"You're sure?" he pressed with an amused spark in his eyes. However, she did not take any notice to it. Susan had nodded to show she was sure.

It was then that Trufflehunter had decided to enter the throne room with a panicked look on his face. Nonetheless, as he had found Susan, he let out a sigh of relief.

"Miss Susan," he said to the girl in relief and a slight scolding tone, "please don't run off like that! For goodness sake you're still soaking wet!" he chided her. At that moment, Susan had sneezed making the poor badger wring his arms in franticness. "You see! You're probably going to come down with something at this second! I suggest you take off that coat so you'll be less likely to catch a fever." the badger's caring nature kicked in as he hovered himself on the poor girl.

Hearing the prospect of parting with her brown overcoat, she shook her head and clutched its dampness to her tighter. She did not want to part with it. Secretly Edmund couldn't help but smile because that meant that she still had an attachment with him, Lucy, and Peter. Though it was subconscious on her part, it was better than nothing.

On the other hand, Edmund couldn't help but deepen his frown when he had realized that she was indeed soaking wet. How that had happened, he didn't know, but he could've kicked himself for missing it. He notices people's emotions very well, but the fact that Susan was dripping wet completely missed his mind.

The badger then turned to Edmund respectfully and bowed.

"Your majesty," he began, "may I take Miss Susan away now? She needs to get into some dry clothes immediately." Trufflehunter explained to the dark haired male.

"Of course," Edmund nodded. Normally he would've smiled but he couldn't bring himself to. Not yet when it concerned Susan. Soon maybe, but not right now. "I'll see you at supper, Trufflehunter." He bided the badger goodbye as the talking animal proceeded to tug Susan out of the throne room.

"Oh, and Susan," he called while she was almost out of the doors. She turned back to him with a questioning glance, "next time try not to scare the poor girls too much when you pull a stunt like that again."

Her sky blue eyes widened then. Her graceful mouth opening in shock meanwhile processing his words. He knew the whole time she was lying!

Susan gave him a hurried nod before scrambling out of the throne room like a mouse running away from a cat. Edmund just watched her go before returning to his thoughts.

In the end, this was all a matter of self-restraint the king concluded. Will the emotions and sorrow they had locked away break through and allow their sister to join them once more? Or will they continue to shun her like dirt even though despite all she's done, she did not deserve it?

It seems though the ending result will have to depend on themselves individually. Whether they wanted to forgive her or not, the decision was up to each of them alone.

Indeed, he had sympathy towards his sister and held no scorn for her, but he wasn't ready to fully forgive her. However, Edmund knew as time passed, perhaps he would. Deciding not to worry about Peter and Lucy's feelings towards their sister at the moment, he would find a way for himself to forgive Susan first.

She was his sister after all.

--

"Miss Susan," Trufflehunter began as they walked along the hallway. "What, might I ask, did King Edmund want with you?"

Susan only shrugged and signed something. _Something pointless. All he did was space off for most of the time and then he asked me nonsense. _

"Miss Susan! You could've said that more respectfully! He's one of the kings you know." Trufflehunter lightly chided her, but Susan paid him no mind as she just shrugged again.

_Whatever you say. To me, he seems simply like another person I have to deal with. _she signed to him.

"Miss Susan!" he whined knowing it was hopeless to convince her otherwise.

* * *

**Karin: There! Hope it was okay for you guys. So, we get to see inside Edmund's head. I enjoyed writing this so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thanks for reading. Reviews are highly appreciated. Again, sincerely sorry for not updating in so long. **

**See ya Next time! **


End file.
